Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
