Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
