Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
In other news, I just burned my penis
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
