I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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