If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
