i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
