I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
