it's not cheating when I paid for it
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
