dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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