i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
