At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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