my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
