Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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