i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
