I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
