I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I think my moral compass just broke
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
