you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Randomize
