How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
