can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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