i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
