I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
