We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
