Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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