So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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