doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Randomize
