bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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