He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
