My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I feel like abortions should bother me more
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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