There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
