I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
