Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
