I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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