I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
