Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
