I showed him my bush... on skype.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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