I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I am mentally ready for anal.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
