sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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