Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
