I think I died a long time ago.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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