As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Randomize
