next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
