Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
