So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
