Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
