It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
