We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Randomize
