Someone shit on the floor
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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