um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
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