i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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