Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Randomize
