My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
He passed out mid-signature
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Randomize
