i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize
