dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
